Facts & Myths About

Animated Pectrons

By Prof. E.H. Hoser

1. If your window of vulnerability is open, close it! This is how Pectrons get out in the first place, thus becoming animated!

2. Dissimilar collateral cloning of Animated Pectrons leads to the forming of Martinmas in their outer shields.

3. The structure of Animated Pectrons resembles that of the basic infrastructure found in the common bastion of science.

4. Animated Pectrons are formed by bilinear capillary splitting of Hansonite crystals using the much heralded, though old Kassens tube method.

5. Accurate measurements of Pectrons (when not animated) can be taken with Iridium subliminal photon calipers.

6. Animated Pectrons are random and will readily ricochet from point to point when placed within the confines of a fortified clamshell.

7. Lathe trued Animated Pectrons make very effective braid bearings. Jim Stevens once proved this at the annual "Michigan Flat Figure Eight Grand Slam" race. Paul Gawronski further proved the hypothesis at this year's Div. II Nats.

8. If you filled the Grand Canyon with Animated Pectrons, would you be able to keep an accurate count?

9. An Ohio resident, William Keller, was once indited over the fact that he had more then his fair share of Animated Pectrons. It has also rumored that Paul Pfeiffer still keeps a box full. Further rumors have circulated that Paul "Beuf" Pedersen has discovered a local source of them in Arco Idaho, and maintains a secret stockpile in nearby Meridian.

10. It is claimed that one Maryland vegetarian once successfully managed to nail an Animated Pectron to his work bench using a 20 lb. sledge hammer and a 10" solid silver spike. Even with the able assistance of his short, bearded, leaping gnome associate, the entire process took over 103 hours to execute. But using lightning maneuvers they managed to rise to the task. The Hyattsville Health Department immediately moved in to confiscate one long forgotten cheese and onion submarine sandwich.