The Old WeirdHerald

Slot Car Racing SlangDictionary

Have you noticed how slot car racershave their own special language? Over the past couple decades of thiscrazy hobby/sport, we've developed our own special collection ofterms that we use & abuse in our racing endeavors. I'm sureyou've heard all the fuss over the new thing in the Oakland schoolsto teach urban slang -now referred to as "ebonics"... Well now youcan also catch up on slot car racing slang with Old Weird Herald'scourse in slot car racing jargon:

"Hooked OnSlotonics"

Learn words & phrases likethese, and you too can be a hip slot car racer!

Beer: Winding flux, building flux, bite flux, thrashersflux; racer's Kool-Aid.Beer Can

Bite: Traction, eating it, or what racers go forimmediately after a race.

Unstripable fuzzies: Found on tongue after all nightthrash.

Geek: Slot racing newcomer, uninformed racer, or, old-timerwho still can't solder on a pinion.

Geek Speak: The misinformed babblings of an uninformedracer.

P.K. Blank: What the editor of this rag gets when trying towrite.

Jet Flag: Japanese expression for results of flying inplane too long.

Bye: Considered normal in San Fransisco Bay area.

Spring Tension: When you can't get a date in March.

Set Screw: Lotus position, refer to Kama Sutra.

Track Call: When your mother, girl friend, or wife has thenumber of the raceway.track call

Spacers: Old Weird Herald's contributing editors.

Hood Alignment Bar: Where Fred goes for attitudeadjustment.

Brush Hood: What Fred does in the morning.

Air Gap: The space between a slot racers ears.

Filtered air gaps: Something Capillary is out of.

Return Path: Something hard to find after too many beers(see Hood Alignment Bar).

Glue Job: What you get from a date that uses excessiveDentu-Grip.

Bogged: One too many dates with above person.

Stick It: Frequent reply of turn marshals.

Herman Pans: New type of Corning ware from former Hermit.

Bus Bars: A ploy to desegregate local watering holes.

Electric Discharge: Emissions from a cyborg.

Wall Blast: Too much brakes suddenly; a small containednuclear explosion.

Launch: Contributing factor to wall blast. Beginning ofspace shuttle shuttle launch

Thrash: Slot racers S&M.

Pillow Block: Brain fade caused from over-night thrash;block found at bottom of guillotine.

Sludge: Found between the ears of racer with pillow block;usually after all night thrash.

Hex: What you try to put on competing racers car.

Norelco Gears: Something Jim "Turkey-man" Stevens is stilllooking for.

Carbonell Wire: Something Canada Dan bought.

Choke: Gag; periods of brain fade; or an unwanted necessityat nuclear sub-stations.choking

Brain Fade: Loss of motor control functions at inopportunetimes, like during qualifying, or an important heat.

Spoiler: Last guy up to qualify that cuts you out of theSemi-main on his fourth back-up time.

Side Dam: Only use of word not resulting in lap penaltiesduring a race.

Bite Bar: Nearest watering hole to raceway serving horsd'oeuvers.

Plumber: Hopefully not needed at major race.

Body: Usually found dead in corners when your car crashes.

Turn Marshal: Person into verbal abuse.

Race Director: The person that's always wrong or alwaysright.

Green Can: Bathroom at raceway not cleaned since thesixties.toilet